Why am I so tired?

I ask myself this, as if I don’t know the answer.  I mean, I don’t sleep, or eat properly.  I find myself completely manic over my job.  I got handed a real monkey’s paw in this job yet de-wishing it would make me feel really bad.

But the environment of this school year is just ridiculous.  I know we have a principal, I often hear her voice, but I was one of the last teachers out the building tonight and I haven’t seen her since maybe October.   Thus, there’s a definite lack of leadership.   I’ve not been observed in any formal or informal way, and so the only feedback I have is from other teachers who too are on the path that will end up with Professional Development in Alcoholics less than Anonymous.  As far as I know,  all the other new to this building teachers have been given U’s (Unsatisfactoriness.)  I’m pretty certain that I have seen two grown men trying not to be reduced to tears because it was all they could do.

The only feedback  we have been getting consistently this year have been through the kids.   And kids will be either kids, or complete assholes.  I actually have Allie McBeal fantasies about beating some kids.  I’ve poured my heart into lessons, and ideas.  Bought indiviual folders and notebooks.  I’ve done so much, and when I give a 10 question quiz, to assess if they are really really ready for the test, almost everyone fails.  Beyond that, during the actual test, they wouldn’t shut the fuck up.  It’s a test.   I mean.

I feel so frustrated all the time.


-Chester Kent.